I'm here but I'm really gone.

We can try to make this pretty..
clean up all my dirty clothes.
But if you never really get me
then I guess you'll never know the train wreck that I am.
And I am,
and I am what I am,
what I am,
but I am a train wreck.

I know we'll be fine
When we learn to love the ride.

Live and Learn

I think I'm done smoking pot.
I don't enjoy how it makes me feel anymore
paranoid
fake
like nothing I'm saying makes any sense...
so its probably best to stay away.

Also I had to download Firefox to be able to use Blogger again.
Stupid Vuze...

I've been having some wicked crazy dreams since i quit smoking pot
last night i had 2 prominent ones
first one i was in the walking dead
all i remember from it is that rick was asking everyone for their debit and credit card numbers
cuz apparently he found a computer and the internet was still working...
and y'know, people still use money when there's a zombie apocolypse going on, hah.

well i think everyone gave in cuz the didnt want to start shit, and they didnt really care
except i think her name is andrea
the one that in the last episode started sleeping with the crazy mayor guy.
she said no and rick grabbed a gun
threatened that if she didnt give it to him he'd shoot.

well i was standing right there
i grabbed the gun and was fighting to get it away from him
for some reason that made him turn the safety back on the gun
and we fought for a few seconds until i got it way from him and held his hands behind his back
i told him to calm the fuck down or i'd do it for him,
he started trying to get free so i smacked him in the head with the gun
i was stupid though and used the whole gun instead of using the butt of it to really do some damage.
i just was smacking him over and over, trying to get some power into it but couldnt.
and that was the end of that dream, awoken by my meowing cat (who thought her food dish was empty, i turned on the light and shes like "ohm there's lots of food in here. what a dumb kitty)

second one was a dream i'd kind of had before. which is just fucked.
mom and i go on a trip, with i think just a bunch of people and parents from my highschool.
ryan fredderick was there
i always thought he was a cutie
well i dont remember much except there being lava and then some weird flying cat thing goes into the lava and presses a button to turn it into water
so when there was lava everything was dangerous, the cat saves us and now theres water
and we can go on with the activites, which seemed to be a skating rink with a big projector on the one side of it, with all the seats on the other 3 sides of the skating rink.
so you could go skating, watch the skating, or watch whatever movie was playing.
ryan tells me he's gonna be the one giving me a ride home, and we're gonna go watch the sunset and he's going to kiss me more than i've ever been kissed before.

i think the weirdest thing about that dream was that i was waking up every ten minutes for about an hour and a half because my alarm was going off, but i would go straight back into that dream.


then of course the night before i had a dream about this older woman who was really angry at this boy for hurting her daughter. she was so angry that she had him tied up and people were torturing him while she was looking up ways to kill and get rid of the body with no way of anyone finding out
finally she finds the answer, a recipe for cannibals. YUM!


Please ignore all the spelling mistakes, I'm used to powering through my posts and then having googlechrome show me if i misspelled anything. Internet explorer isn't cool like that.

I Just Don't Know

i cant post pictures anymore cuz internet explorer suuuucks.
and apparently the only way to get rid of the vuze toolbar is to uninstall vuze completely
but i have the walking dead to download!
so i cant do that yet..
Voodoo Girl
you shall have to wait to be posted.

i blame the new Vuze toolbar
its the reason i haven't been posting anything new
because i CANNOT sign into blogger on Googlechrome
which has never happened before the freaking vuze update

andd internet explorer sucks donkey balls.
which is why this is my first time attempting to use it
to post this lame post.


i would like to say that i have not been smoking dope for over a week.
not even before bed.
:o

be proud.



also i sadface that i didnt get to see holly before she goes to BC.
i think its bc...
short term memory is still taking its time coming back to me.

BUT I FEEL SO FREEEEE
lost
but free.
(:

hehehe

Hide for a few days

you believe in the goodness in mankind.

I try too hard..

when will i feel like me again?

It's time to move on.

Please be honest Mary Jane

are you happy?



things about this video i dont understand (i need to start remembering to use lists!)

1. why has he decided to be a homeless man for this video?
shot in an obviously staged building thats supposed to look like the outdoors
some sort of ally or something.

2. why does he keep his hands in his pockets the majority of the time?
it looks awkward when he's trying to swing his hands around

3. why does he stay basically in one place for the first 3/4 of the video?
then near the end he walks through to show you all the hobo fires
and other things about hobos.

but he's singing about a woman
that he loves
but shes fooling around on him
"running around staying out all night)
out,
as in away from your creepy hobo buddies?
(i swear i have nothing against homeless people)

4. phil collins is awkward (just realized that "why" doesnt have to be at the beginning of each point)

5. this video apparently contains content from WMG which makes it restricted to play on certain sites.
including blogger
that doesnt really have anything to do with the video content.
but its still kinda ridiculous.


i feel better.
maybe im ready for sleep.

ps. i dont think i'll ever get tired of this song.
it feels like it has a new meaning every time i hear it.

PEACE

Are we going up?

or just going down?

from day one i talked about getting out
but not forgetting about
how all my worst fears are letting out

he said,
why put a new address
on the same old loneliness?
when breathing just passes the time
until we all just get old and die
now talking's just a waste of breath
and living's just a waste of death
so why put a new address
on the same old loneliness?

and this is you and me
and me and you
until we've got nothing left!

Cool GIF yo.

why be normal
when you can be crazy?

Burnt-Out and Bored.

so dear blog
i guess i have been neglecting you a bit lately
i made you so i could have a place to put all my secrets
stuff that i only tell a few people
like you few people that read this.

becuz i like yuhs.
and you won't judge.


maggie is a little sweetheart
when she wants to be
and thats the truth of it.
i've been having a good time
trying to forget things that upset me
and just have fun.
she's been helping
i get free drugs
and we play board games.
is a good time.

i like that i just dont care around her
i dont have to say anything
or i can be a complete bitch
or go skinny dipping in daylight
well,
we had shorts on,
ew trenton water.

but im trying to have fun
get all the partying out of my system
before next year.


i finally decided what im going to school for
i need to look into the programs and different schools but
its exciting to feel so sure.
i will have so many options when i get out of school i should have no troubles finding what i love.
and i cant wait to get out of this area, its getting to me, always being alone...
thats what it feels like
why does it feel like that?
i have so many people around here.
so many friends that i can go visit at basically any hour...

well thas a pretty good rant.
 i need a title though.

oh
i have the perfect one.

Oh, death!

stephanie you've got me hooked on pearl and the beard.
just oh, death though.
so far...

for all those who must hear it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq3D_2RbCPQ&feature=relmfu

listen.
and fall in love.


it all happened so fast!

I'm not your boyfriend, baby

i can't grant your every wish
i'm not your knight in shinning armor
so i just leave you with this kiss.



its september now.
i keep telling myself that i want to move
that things will be better if i just get the fuck out of this area
but how will it be better?
then i wont have any family near by
none of my friends for when i need them...

but when im here
all i do is sleep
and smoke weed.

i've been in this area for so long
that everything reminds me of something
and sometimes it makes me more depressed.
i keep thinking that things wont change if i stay here
but things are always changing
im always changing
the people that i spend time with are always different
and eventually i'll come back to life...

i just want my energy back
my motivation.
and im never happy
when im alone anymore...

and alone used to be my favourite way to be.

its a cruel, cruel summer

now you're gone.

well good job jenny.

that lasted long.

and now all i want to say is

"congrats, now we're even."

I miss you already.

If your world is all screwed up

rearrange it.

It's man devouring man my dear,

so who are we to deny it in here?

my addiction right now.
is Sweeney Todd

i need to give the movie back to Brity
but i keep forgetting
because i just want to watch it
every day
all day
and have it playing
as i fall asleep.




















i love how eerie the entire movie is.
Johnny Depp is sexy no matter what,
and the sexy voice really adds to it.
if he can really sing like that...
by god, imma jump him.


haha
by god.
















Helena Carter is one of my favourite actresses
and the fact that she's Tim Burton's wife
well that just gives me a whole new appreciation and love for her.

every song.
every scene.
they're wonderful.
and i cant seem to stop
singing
and imagining
the entire movie

This is Jenny

not giving a shit.

i've noticed that i post on facebook a lot

when i'm upset

angry

or worried. 

now you'll notice too.

You know I want you.

Nothing is Forever

For all time
I heard you say.
We'd be friends forever,
not a lesser day...





But if not
for all time
that I can tempt you with my charm.




















Then baby
in the meantime
I will hold you in my arms.

I'm on the verge

of self destruction
suffering because of my
selfish
vices



gosh i love from first to last!
they just know the words.
for everything.

someone kick me outta my mind..

i will stop being so silly.

starting now.

:) 

Hello August.

I come back from 4 days of camping
and feel quiet refreshed.

but isn't it awful how quickly all your old worries
troubles
and nonsense
come right back into play
as soon as you're back in civilization?

as far as I'm concerned.
none of this fucking technology should exist.
I'd be happy with phone calls and snail mail.
at least then I can hear tone
and I know its just the mail thats taking for fucking ever.
instead of you.
not texting back
because you're busy
with whatever
and i'm here
lonely
and miserable
wondering if it's even worth this pain
that i create myself...

i know i should talk to you about this.
but i want to see you to talk to you about it.
and when do we see each other?
maybe twice a month?
i know this is fresh,
this is new,
i dont want to push things too far.
i dont want to push you away.


i thought things would be different
i thought i would be different by now.
but all i know
is i like you too much
i care for you tones.
and i dont know how you feel...
i just dont know.

and i hate when i get into this depressed state over things that are so fucking dumb.

i wouldnt have any problems right now
if texting did not exist.

the future is now bitch.

What's the use..

i really shouldnt care either way.
i suppose its good that i care
i mean,
it IS good that i care
but one way or the other...
does it really matter?
it doesnt change this life
this country
this planet.

i care too much
far too often
which only makes
the pain worse.
the pain
that probably shouldnt exist
at all...

and even after a wonderful day together
i still wonder
why it's so difficult
to speak to me
to show me
that you
care for me
too.

A mental mind-fuck can be nice

Hold up, wait a minute.

Let me put some beats up in it.



I'm excited for Boston. :)
I feel terrible because I still haven't told Sabrina that she's not joining me.
But we haven't been able to hang out much since she started her new job, I was never able to get the discographies to her so she could prepare.
I've barely even prepared myself...

I shouldnt be up right now.
I've just got too much random shit on my mind.


I'll feel better once I see you. <3




and when I talk to Sabrina.
although that will definitely make me feel like a dick at first.
but I has my reasons.
and I need to put me first some days.
yuh.
the end.

I would love to love you.

Sometimes I'm a fool.

It just happens...







I blame it on being a woman.
But really it's just my crazy human brain
bein crazy.

I don't know what I see in your eyes.

If you're gonna rock
Rock me baby,
Rock me right.

If you're gonna smoke
Smoke me baby,
Roll me tight.

how bout some pokemon?

cuz they cute.

mmmhm!

i will dig a hole and label it love
and trick him to fall in from above
strategically placed
at the front door

i'll coax him to come back to get more.
heh.

Too weird to live

Too rare too die

my friends will always be my favourite things in this world.

i hope you all realize how much i love and appreciate each and every one of you

yuh i gotta get all mushy on ya's every once in a while

lately more than most.

love life. :)

I'm Walking on Sunshine!

i like this boy.
i like his style.
i like how we talk all day
and how much of a gentleman he is.

i like that he is the most chill man i have ever met.
i like the way he holds me
i like that i have a choice in everything
and i like that he will make decisions too.

i like his sexy musical talents
i like his sense of humor
i like his face
his mouth
his eyes

hiiim.

YES!

i forgot that i had found this one day and got super excited.
one more yeeeear! :D

I keep forgetting about Community.
It's such a great show.
I need to get it.



BOY TONIGHT <3

(:

Lollipop.

He loves to kiss me till I can't see straight

Gee

my

lollipop

is

great.





I call him

Lollipop!

Maybe god wanted me to be nothing special.

I'm not racist.
I'm opinionated.
- Jenny Brooks-Crowe

I miss this lady.

she was a fantastic specimen.

let's be friends.


best friends!






why is blogger being retarded? ^

hey sexy lady

i got a right to know
if this is mutual
dont give me
maybe

don't give me no tonight
cause i want you

i need you.

True dat!

can't wait for the movie and hopefully a whole new season! :D

I've come to this conclusion often.

i believe
that there is a god.


that is my belief.
i shall keep you updated.
on any
updates...

WANT!

Yolandi you make me wet.

people need to learn to let things go.
i need to learn to let things go...

Queef.

sticks and stones

may break my bones

but jews will never hurt me

they steal my job

hurt my friend bob

but they will never sue me.

They say it's over and I'm fine

again.

Trying to stay sober

feels like I'm dying.

And I am aware now

that everything's going to be fine

one day.

Just can't get chu outta my head.

If I promise to be good.

And do everything

Everything that I should.

You could make me the happiest

Woman in the land.

If you promise

to hold me tight.

If you promise

to treat me right.

If you promise

to be my man.

- Jill Barber

Update.

i dont know how much of this i'll be changing.. but some items in my room have been moved.
im excited.